


Restart

by redmacallan



Category: Whose Line Is It Anyway? RPF
Genre: M/M, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 10:21:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10358181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redmacallan/pseuds/redmacallan
Summary: "She deserves better."Colin had stopped staring into his beer by this point and was instead gazing weakly into the carpet. "We all deserved better."





	

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to rycolwritersanonymous before Kinley was out publicly.

Colin's visit to the Upfront had been a pleasant, if not entirely unexpected surprise.

Ryan knew he'd be in the area- he had a show with Brad in Seattle that week- but he hadn't expected him to show up, especially not unannounced and at his work. Meetings with Colin were usually things planned out months in advance, organised by Deb, Pat, or a combination of the two, and more often than not, Ryan'd be preoccupied at the Upfront for a large chunk of the day anyway.

So, when Colin burst into his office, wielding a huge grin and an even bigger backpack, it was nice- just unexpected.

Unexpected to the point where Ryan accidentally knocked over his coffee, flipped over a stack of paperwork, and set off an alarm on his phone he didn't even know he had.

"Shit," said Colin, dropping his bag to the floor. "Let me-"

"No, I'll clean it up," replied Ryan. "Don't worry."

The coffee had spread itself rather nicely over the floor, and Ryan thanked both a deity and his flooring provider that his office had a wooden floor instead of carpet. He grabbed a few tissues from the box on his desk and busied himself with mopping it up, staying seated in his chair.

Colin, on the other hand, had gone over to where the papers had fallen on the floor, and by the time Ryan had thrown the wet tissues in the bin and straightened his posture, the papers were once again on the desk in a neat little pile.

Ryan was internally grateful, but he frowned all the same. "You could've let me pick them up."

"It was my fault for making you spill them. Might as well take some of the responsibility." Colin beamed at him with the sort of smile they both knew Ryan couldn't stay mad at.

"You want a drink?" asked Ryan.

"Sure."

Ryan nodded and walked, with practised ease, to the bar in the main area of the theatre.

"Beer alright with you?"

Colin slipped into a seat. "More than alright."

Ryan got their drinks and settled into an adjacent seat. There was silence, apart from the soft sounds of traffic outside, water rumbling in the pipes, and a dull thud each time on of them put their drinks down.

"So," Ryan began, a little stiffly, "just you this time?"

"Yeah. Brad decided to stay in Seattle while I'm down here." He took another sip of his drink. "His loss."

Ryan huffed out a laugh. "Less free beer on me."

"This is free?" Colin slipped into a faux-damsel-in-distress voice. "Oh, Ryan, you shouldn't have."

That earned a chuckle from Ryan, followed by a few more moments of silence. "So how's Deb?"

Colin nodded. "She's doing well. Keeping herself busy with different things. I know she gets lonely at home nowadays, so I'm not sure how much longer I'll keep touring." A small part of Ryan was about to protest before Colin continued with, "Well, actually, I am sure. I'll keep going. I'll just feel a bit bad doing it."

"Least it means you won't miss out on this."

Colin laughed almost humorlessly. "True."

Again, they slipped into a momentary silence.

"And how's Luke?"

"Huh?" Colin frowned, confused for a moment before replying. "Oh, she's doing well too."

Ryan quirked an eyebrow. "She?"

"Yeah, she, uh..." Colin stared into his drink. "She came out as trans in... May, I think? Goes by Kinley now."

"Oh." Ryan wasn't quite sure what to say.

"Mm." Colin was still staring into his beer like it was the other participant of the conversation. "I mean, it's hard, but so is all parenting, really. And I'm glad she told us. I'm glad we can at least try to help somehow, with all the," he waved a hand as if to imply there was a word he was missing out, "things. That are happening."

Ryan was determined not to let them slip into silence again. "It makes you think, I suppose."

"Hm?" Colin looked up, seemingly genuinely surprised. "About what?"

Ryan shrugged. "I don't know. Lots of things." He took a sip of his drink. "I wonder what it'd have been like if it was like this when we were kids."

"What do you mean?"

"With, well..." Ryan struggled for a moment, trying to find the right words in his head. "Telling your parents things. I mean, I love my family to death, Col, but if one of my brothers had turned to my parents and said they were a girl, they would've destroyed them. I'm betting it was the same for you, too."

Colin nodded grimly. "Same goes for sexuality, I guess."

Ryan stared at him pointedly.

"As in, you know..." Colin sighed deeply. "Even... Even if we hadn't been straight, none of us would've ever done anything. We were too scared." He swallowed. "I'm glad Kinley gets that much, at least."

"She deserves better."

Colin had stopped staring into his beer by this point and was instead gazing weakly into the carpet. "We all deserved better."

Silence fell over the two of them again. The noises- the hum off traffic, the low noise of the pipes, the wind making the leaves rustle outside- were still there, but they seemed somehow far away, filtered by the heavy atmosphere that had formed itself around them. Colin laid one of his hands on the bar, keeping the other firmly clenched around his drink.

Ryan couldn't resist. Something had changed, suddenly, and he couldn't stop himself as he usually could.

He laid his hand tentatively over Colin's.

The sounds seemed to fade even further into the distance.

Colin was the first to speak. "I never told anyone."

Ryan's hand curled into his in understanding. "Neither did I."

"Is-" Colin's voice sounded almost choked- "is it bad that if I could do it again, I'm not sure if I would tell someone?"

Ryan sighed deeply as Colin had earlier, suddenly struck by how old he sounded. "No." He paused. "I'm not sure if I would either."

Colin threaded their fingers together silently before speaking. "Is it too late to?"

"It's never too late," Ryan replied, realising only as he spoke that he meant every word.

"Well, then," said Colin, a nervous tremor seeping into his voice, "I don't believe we've been properly introduced."

"No, I don't believe we have."

Colin took a deep breath and squeezed Ryan's hand. "Hi. My name is Colin Mochrie, I'm currently fifty-eight years old, and I am, for better or for worse, bisexual."

"Hi," shot back Ryan. "My name is Ryan Stiles, I'm old enough to forget how old I am, and all I know is that you're the most wonderful person I've ever met, and I wish I'd spent my life with you."

Colin smiled sadly. "Would it've been worth it?"

"For you? Yes." He ran his thumb over Colin's hand. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not sad with the way things turned out. It's pretty damn good." He let out another sigh. "It just would've been better if I was waking up next to you every day."

Oh God, and now he was getting all sniffly and teary-eyed too, just thinking of what could've been, what should've been, and-

"Come here," Colin muttered, his arms outstretched.

Ryan didn't need to be told twice, falling into the hug so easily it was as if they'd done this hundreds, thousands of times before, in the morning before work, when one of them left for a show, when they were both about to go on stage, at their wedding before they stepped out and-

And there, in the theatre where no-one could see them, they began to cry.


End file.
